I Am Too Afraid To Find Out Who I Really Am

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Mission San Juan in San Antonio | May 2019

Not too long ago, I described how much I am enjoying life these days. I explained how acting based on who I really am is the key to such happiness. I think I inspire others to do the same.

A friend in her mid-twenties asked me how I did it. She explained to me that she is way too afraid of everything in life to embark on such a journey. I was a bit confused and asked her why she was so scared of just being herself?

It turns out that her parents were very sheltering during her childhood. She was supposed to stay at home and not do anything that could cause her to breach known boundaries. This is a common theme I see amongst people who love each other. I have no doubt that such love is well-intentioned; however, it comes from a place of serving themselves. Keeping a person so close and oppressing her with emotions is self-serving and morally questionable.

I had a feeling that the so-called "sheltering" did not only occur during her childhood.

I have a 10pm curfew, and I have to report where I am at any given moment.
I am afraid to drive on the highway as bad things happen there all the time.
I am afraid to drive on the highway as bad things happen there all the time.
I am not allowed to spend time with a man until I am married to him.

Exercising inhibiting control and nurturing limiting fear is typical behavior by people who don't want to see is grow into the independent adult we deserve to be. It's very convenient to paralyze a loved one with fear. After all, it's fear which prevents them from exploring, evolving, and setting boundaries. It's a perfect way to guarantee that a person stays right where she is, and never leaves. I see it all the time. Parents do it to their kids, husbands to their wives, girlfriends to their boyfriends, and even friends apply such emotional manipulations.

People are afraid of:

  • Finding out who they really are
  • Showing the world who they really are
  • Acting according to who they are
  • Growing beyond their current boundaries
  • Being bold and beautiful
  • Showing pride
  • Giving and receiving love
  • Enjoying their sexuality
  • Setting ambitious goals in life
  • Actually achieving these goals
  • Respecting their mind, body, and soul
  • ...

Although not intentional, such behavior is the exact opposite of love. Love should not confine a person! What if you wanted the people you love to be their own individuals? What if you wanted them to grow in ways they could never imagine? What if you encouraged them to explore who they are, and what great possibilities dwell within them?

Are you subject to a fear-inducing love? Or maybe you are the one who tries to prevent a loved-one from tapping in their full potential?

So what can you do? It's all about taking baby steps that slowly increase existing boundaries. You will never be old or mature enough for them, so don't wait for a change of mind on their end. I can recommend the following book.


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